Doing Nothing
Today I'm doing nothing. Well, not exactly. I am sitting here typing pointless material. It's raining outside, I have a cold, my daughter is in daycare, husband at work, Lloyd Bentsen's funeral is on TV in the other room, I can hear President Clinton's voice. How nice to hear his voice again! I am so sick of listening to Pres. Bush. My friend Amber called and said she and her husband John have been watching the HBO documentary Baghdad ER. She said she has seen John cry maybe once since she's known him. He was crying while he watched Baghdad ER. She said it was heartbreaking to see all the wounded soldiers and all the death/destruction. I said, no fucking shit. Everyone should be MADE to watch that. That is war. It is not glamorous and any fucking idiot who says it's for a good cause is just that--a fucking idiot. People are dying for nothing. That's right, I'm on my soap box and no one can knock me off. I get so pissed every time I think of all the lives and money we are wasting in Iraq. Mark my words, we will not accomplish shit over there. And we'll pull out eventually and all the young people who've died over there will have died in vain. That's the truth. Who wants to hear about their son/daughter dying for nothing? It's terrible.
Okay, so back to doing nothing. I always feel like I have to be doing something, being productive. Why can't I just sit and relax? I wish I had enough patience to meditate. It would do me good. Here's another thing I've secretly wanted to try: acting. I think I'd be good at it. I can't make up my mind about anything. I'm either trying to be a photographer, taking up teaching again, wanting to act, wanting to write a book, etc. In the end, I'll probably end up doing nothing which is the very thing I've been trying to avoid today. So, how have I helped humanity today? Angelina Jolie is out there saving the children of Africa, what the fuck am I doing? I used to think teaching was my way of helping save humanity. But soon, I'll be teaching at a private school with privileged children. Not nearly as humanitarian as teaching in a public school. Okay, I'm a mom and I'm trying to raise a girl who will grow up to be a confident, intelligent, compassionate woman. That's helping humanity, right? Pretty laim, though. I should be doing more. I need to get off my ass and do something.
Okay, so back to doing nothing. I always feel like I have to be doing something, being productive. Why can't I just sit and relax? I wish I had enough patience to meditate. It would do me good. Here's another thing I've secretly wanted to try: acting. I think I'd be good at it. I can't make up my mind about anything. I'm either trying to be a photographer, taking up teaching again, wanting to act, wanting to write a book, etc. In the end, I'll probably end up doing nothing which is the very thing I've been trying to avoid today. So, how have I helped humanity today? Angelina Jolie is out there saving the children of Africa, what the fuck am I doing? I used to think teaching was my way of helping save humanity. But soon, I'll be teaching at a private school with privileged children. Not nearly as humanitarian as teaching in a public school. Okay, I'm a mom and I'm trying to raise a girl who will grow up to be a confident, intelligent, compassionate woman. That's helping humanity, right? Pretty laim, though. I should be doing more. I need to get off my ass and do something.
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